If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
