This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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