It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
