Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
