i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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