yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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