She announced her abortion via fbk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
