Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
