sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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