i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
