Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
