Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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