It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize