i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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