I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
