he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
