We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
