im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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