i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
