Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
try to milk me bitch
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