ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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