We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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