Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
