btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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