I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
