I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
