This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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