I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
