oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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