Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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