I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
