the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
