It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
