I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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