ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize