Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
