I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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