Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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