Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just pee around me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
