Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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