Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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