these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
