Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
