just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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