so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
