batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
