I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
