all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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