Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
