I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
