me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
