mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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