im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
