I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
