Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
