nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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