Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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