I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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