my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
