I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
