So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i dont even know how to be here
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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