i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
