I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
