I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
