i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
