Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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