Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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