3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
