Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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