If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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